kissandcough

cudnylon
the dang girl i want to be with is in a relationship with the ugliest dude who is super obnoxious and i am not in a great socializing situation so my hand is forced towards being alone as well for a while.
jazzflutesolo
Being alone can sometimes be okay
It's just the loneliness that comes with it that sucks
cudnylon
yeah.

we'll meet here every year by the river.

no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no.

Dear Bonnie,
I know you probably won't read this one. I know you probably feel like shit. I know that I felt like shit after I read your messages on Facebook. Well, the ones I decided to read, anyway.
You really hurt me. Especially after I told you that the only reason I wanted to break up was our financial status. Note how I explained our financial status. You were having problems with your insurance, you had to pay for school, and you were getting paid to do your sister's homework. I only work a certain number of hours a week, and the income is certainly not enough to pay for all of my necessities. As a matter of fact, my parents have to help me out, and they resent me for it, as I resent them for making me go to school, then making me pay for it myself.
Bonnie, I really did love you. I don't know how it happened, but I really did. I felt like shit after those things you wrote to me in the messages I did read.
I feel bad. I feel bad because I wrote that previous post to you. I feel bad because it had to end this way. I feel bad, but not sorry about you reading the entry about you. I am not going to take it down. I know you deleted your account because when I went to re-read the message I wrote you, your handle had a line through it.
I don't want to read about your life. I don't really want to know how you're doing. You are probably doing fine. I hope you are. I'd prefer not to know. I'd prefer to just make it up in my mind that you are doing well. But also in my mind, you are not doing well, because I suck. But I don't suck because I made the decision I thought was right, and still think is right. I just want to be there for you, and be your friend. But it is too soon, especially from that very stern message I wrote you on livejournal. Maybe that's why I feel bad. Maybe I feel bad because I was insensitive. I still mean everything I said, from the "I think I'm falling in love with you" to the "you're making it easier for me to hate you." I only hate those I love. I really do. If I didn't love you, I wouldn't care about what you thought of me.

But I do.

And I don't know why.


Sincerely, yes, sincerely,
Francesca